If your parent is considering a reverse mortgage, you may have mixed feelings — concern about their finances, questions about inheritance, or uncertainty about whether it's a good idea. This guide is written for you: adult children who want to understand the product, ask the right questions, and support their parent without taking over the decision.
Addressing Your Concerns Honestly
It's normal to worry. You might have heard that "the bank gets the house" or "heirs get nothing." Those are myths. With an FHA-insured HECM, your parent keeps title to the home. When they no longer live there, the loan is repaid from the sale or refinance of the property; any remaining equity goes to the estate and heirs. FHA insurance also means your parent and heirs never owe more than the home's value — so other assets are protected. For the full picture, see what happens to a reverse mortgage when your parent passes away and our FAQ on heirs.
How to Evaluate If It's Right for Your Parent
A reverse mortgage can be a good fit if your parent wants to stay in the home, eliminate or reduce monthly mortgage payments, or have a backup line of credit for future needs. It's less ideal if they plan to move soon, can't reliably pay property taxes and insurance, or don't understand the obligations. The best way to evaluate is with information: age, home value, current mortgage balance, and how they want to use the proceeds. Our calculator can give a rough idea of what they might access; a conversation with a loan officer can go deeper. Encourage them to complete HUD-approved counseling — it's required anyway, and it's a chance for them to hear an independent perspective. More on that in our homeowner guide.
Questions to Ask
Help your parent (and yourself) by asking: How will they use the proceeds? Can they afford property taxes, insurance, and maintenance for the long term? Do they understand that the loan balance grows over time and is repaid when they leave the home? Have they (or will they) complete HUD-approved counseling? What are the costs, and are they being financed into the loan? You can also ask the lender for a clear breakdown of costs and a copy of the counseling certificate. Our costs post and FAQ can help you understand what to look for.
FHA Protections and the HUD Counseling Requirement
FHA-insured HECMs come with real safeguards: mandatory HUD-approved counseling before closing, non-recourse (no liability beyond the home's value), and rules that prevent the lender from calling the loan due as long as your parent lives in the home and meets the terms. The counseling session is a key checkpoint — it's designed to ensure your parent understands the product and their obligations. If they haven't done it yet, encourage them to complete it before signing. You can sit in if they want support. Details are in our FAQ on counseling.
How Inheritance Is Actually Affected
Inheritance isn't "gone" — it's changed. The home remains an asset; the reverse mortgage is a lien. When your parent passes away or leaves the home, the loan is paid off from the sale or refinance of the property. Whatever equity remains goes to the estate and heirs. If the loan balance has grown to equal or exceed the home's value, the sale satisfies the loan and FHA covers any shortfall; heirs don't pay out of pocket. So heirs may receive less equity than they would if there were no loan, but they are not left with debt. For many families, the tradeoff is acceptable because the parent gets to stay in the home and improve their cash flow or security. We cover this in what happens when the borrower passes away.
How to Be Supportive
Listen. Share accurate information (our myths vs. facts post can help). Encourage counseling and a clear understanding of costs and obligations. If they want you in the room for a call or meeting, be there — but let the decision remain theirs. Avoid guilt or pressure in either direction. The goal is that they make an informed choice that fits their goals.
Red Flags to Watch For
Be cautious if someone is pushing your parent to take a lump sum and invest it elsewhere, or to buy financial products they don't understand. Reverse mortgage proceeds are for the borrower's use; they shouldn't be pressured into annuities or other products as a condition of the loan. Also watch for high-pressure tactics or claims that "you must act today." Reputable lenders and counselors don't operate that way. If something feels off, your parent can get a second opinion or switch to another lender. I'm happy to provide clear, no-pressure information — contact me if you or your parent would like to talk.
Supporting your parent through a reverse mortgage decision starts with good information. Our calculator can help them see their numbers; our homeowner guide and FAQ answer common questions. When they're ready, reaching out for a conversation can help everyone feel more confident in the path they choose.
Have questions about reverse mortgages or want to see how much you might access? Try our calculator or schedule a conversation with Jerry.